Bittersweet and Obscure Logic
by hellointernet
Summary: Shizuo says they can't be together. Izaya manages to convince him otherwise. Shizuo comes in the middle of the night, babbling some nonsense about chocolates and being together. Izaya is confused, sleep deprived and not at all pleased.


_Disclaimer. _

* * *

"Would you stop it? Look, first of all, you're the _flea_. That's enough reason already. Second, not my type. I want someone gentle and mild mannered, not a psychopath who'll stab me with a switchblade the second my back is turned," Shizuo explained, pushing Izaya off him.

The other man pouted. "It hurts that you have so little faith in me."

"It's true and you know it."

"Mm. But Shizu-chan, can't you see that it'd never work out?" Izaya leaned down, face to face with Shizuo.

The blond looked up and boldly met the russet eyes. "What would never work out? If you're talking about _this_, then yeah. I know that already."

"No, no. Not _this_. If you actually got together with someone sweet and mild mannered. It would never work out."

"Why not? I'll take good care of her and make sure she's not crushed under some vending machine that I threw at you," the debt collector argued. He could be caring and gentle, despite what his actions said.

"No, it wouldn't. Here."

"Wha – Oi! What are you doing?!" Shizuo felt fingers in his mouth as Izaya pushed some white chocolate into his mouth. He bit them lightly before they slipped out.

"Ow! Beast!" the other clutched his hand towards his chest. "What does it taste like?"

"Chocolate. It's sweet," the blond warily answered, sucking on the white square.

Was the louse trying to persuade him with sweets _again_? Even after the first two tries?

_Please_. Shizuo wasn't that cheap. He loved sweets but like hell was he going to get into a relationship with the _flea_ because a bribe. If he could be bought with sweets, then Kasuka wasn't a first rate actor who held the lead roles in over 36 movies, supporting roles in 15 and still counting. And Shizuo took pride in his brother's acting career, thank you very much.

"Yeah. And here, drink some of this."

The honey eyed man did as he was told, frowning as he sipped something from a red and white striped straw. He almost spat it out.

"The hell, flea? I thought you knew that I _hate_ black coffee. You're an informant, for goodness sake! And that wasn't even just black coffee. That was… extreme black coffee. What's up with the super bitter taste?" Shizuo wiped his mouth, trying to scrape the bitterness of his tongue. The idiot was lucky he was still here and not thrown out the window.

"It was bitter wasn't it?"

What was the flea playing at? Was it some sort of game to point out the obvious and ruin his tongue so that he can't taste sweet things as revenge? Shizuo wouldn't put it past Izaya. After all, he had done a whole range of bizarre things that ranged from petty, lowly revenge to extravagant pranks that was somehow meant out of goodwill (something to do with Shinra… Shizuo didn't bother asking)

"Now, here. Eat this," the dark haired man placed another piece of white chocolate against Shizuo mouth again.

It was official. Izaya was trying to kill his tastebuds with extreme flavors.

The monster of Ikebukuro ate it anyways because he was confident that this freakishly strong and resistant body could take it and also because who was he to deny some white chocolate. Especially if it was Cadbury white chocolate, which was even better than the Guylian ones that his brother usually sent over once a month or so.

Shizuo had a niggling suspicion that it was because Kasuka's fangirls and his brother wasn't big on sweets anyway but it was still _chocolate_. Need he explain more?

"How does it taste?" Izaya by now had comfortable settled himself in the other's lap.

"Extraordinarily sweet. Much sweeter than the first one… did you drug it?" the blond asked with wide eyes.

"Nope. None of that. Besides you're so freakishly… _monstrous_ in every way possible. You've probably somehow developed a drug-poison resistant body anyway," the informant shrugged.

"Done?"

Shizuo nodded, wondering what else he was going to be fed. He made no move to push the smaller off his lap.

Hey, if he was getting free, expensive, not to mention, sweetest of the sweet white chocolates, letting him stay on was acceptable. He couldn't be bought to _be_ in a relationship with sweets but… just the lap was okay… this time.

"Alright, have a sip of this." Izaya twisted around to grab something off the coffee table before bringing it to him. The bigger blinked in surprise at the green Fanta can, already ready with a straw.

He leaned forward to take a sip.

"What's up with that flavor? It's… bitter…," Shizuo made a face at the can.

"See, that's what I was talking about! Sweet plus sweet makes it bitter. But bitter and sweet just makes it sweeter!" the russet eyes were practically _shining_, like the man had just told him of he won the jackpot.

"What? That makes absolutely no sense, not to mention, that has nothing to do with what we're talking about earlier."

"Yes it does!" Izaya frowned. "Look, Shizu-chan wanted a sweet, nice girl, right?"

"Yeah, which is why this relationship wouldn't work. You're not sweet _or_ nice. Not to mention, you're not a girl – and would you get off me?!" Shizuo quickly pushed the other off.

Okay, so sue him; he's not very nice when the flea's stopped feeding him Cadbury white chocolate.

"Shizu-chan's so mean," Izaya declared from where he fell. He flopped onto the empty space on the couch beside the blond. "What I'm trying to say is, Shizu-chan's sweet, and if the girl's sweet, it would just eventually turn bitter. Like with the chocolate and the Fanta."

"What?"

"I mean you hear it every day. Perfectly good couples who were lovely dovey yesterday suddenly break up in a shouting match at the mall. Or married couples who had absolutely no problems before in their 10 years of marriage suddenly started hiring hitmen to kill each other while simultaneously trying to pretend they weren't cheating on each other for the past 5 years and are still a lovely couple."

"What?" …wasn't that the plot of that one T.V. show that just recently ended with the main characters divorcing and traveling overseas? And the child now lives with the nanny in that big ass mansion, waiting for to be of age for his inheritance?

Shizuo was pretty sure it was….

"But if it's sweet and bitter, and _I'm_ bitter, it would just turn out to be sweeter," Izaya finished with a flourish.

"What? No! It doesn't work like that! Sweet and sweet would just make it sweeter. Bitter and sweet is… bitter or sweet. It's either one of them," Shizuo argued.

The other snorted. "Yeah, try telling that to your tongue. It's all bitter after that chocolate and Fanta, isn't it?"

The blond couldn't deny it. There _was_ a bitter taste left in his mouth.

"Besides, Shizu-chan's so narrow minded. There _are _some things that taste bittersweet," the dark haired chided. "Besides, if it turns out bitter, that just adds to the effect of the sweetness afterwards. Plus Shizu-chan's just ridiculously sweet so it wouldn't matter anyway."

"What? But if the bitterness makes it even sweeter in the end, wouldn't the sweet-sweet relationship work out as it would make it sweet in the end?"

"Shizu-chan's not getting it! And no it wouldn't! Don't you see that it'd just end up bitter because being too sweet would just eventually turn out bitter! And it's not balanced at all! Two sweets would just tilt the balance to one side and you _know_ the world's all about balance! If it's bitter and sweet, it can turn out sweet, not just inevitably be bitter. _And_ it would be balanced!"

"…that does sort of make sense…," Shizuo frowned.

"See! That's why it could work between the two of us! Besides, I'm used to your monstrous ways so I won't be crushed by some vending machine that you threw at me," Izaya smiled smugly.

"…that does make sense," the blond repeated. Oh dear God, was the flea really winning him over with this?

The monster of Ikebukuro froze when he felt Izaya slowly leaning in. He could feel the other's breath against his own lips. The dark haired's were just centi – no millimeters apart from his own – before stilling, obviously giving him a chance to back out. Shizuo leaned forward to mesh his lips against the slightly chapped ones that told him that Izaya needed to drink more water and not just eat those salty ootoro all the time.

It was pure bliss, despite the fact that Shizuo's tongue was still reeling from the sweet/bitter/sweet/sweet-turned-to-bitter tasting and Izaya tasted salty, not bitter. The blond dragged the other onto him, drawing both of them closer.

It was official. Izaya Orihara just won over Shizuo Heiwajima with sweets, drinks and some really weird and vague logic.

And that was when the former bartender woke up.

* * *

Seeing Shizuo tore through the streets wasn't an uncommon sight for the residents of Ikebukuro. He was mostly a blond-black-and-white blur most of the times anyway, and the people usually identified him by his voice and whatever he was yelling (mostly I-ZA-YA-KUN!), not his appearance.

However, it _was_ a sight to see him running at full speed without actually chasing a certain informant from Shinjuku and actually crossing the border to said town.

The receptionist at Izaya's apartment usually ignored Shizuo, mostly out of fear and partly because it was none of her business and she really wasn't nosy anyways (okay, blatant lie but do you really want to stick your nose in their business? Said nose would be in broken, bloody mess because it got thrown into a wall and then sliced off with a slim blade). Usually when Shizuo came roaring in, she'd glance up, then down again to be inconspicuous and continue chattering on the phone, albeit a tad softer.

Now, she looked up with full blown surprise because it was in the middle of the freaking night and she was stuck in here only because that other stupid employee bailed out and the boss nailed her with this job at this ungodly hour. At least her pay doubled and she can afford those shoes from the shop down the street.

She watched in mute horror as the famous Shizuo Heiwajima impatiently waited for the elevator to come down before growling in frustration and giving up because it was taking too damn slow. The elevator dinged as the man went climbed past the first flight of stairs. She only hoped that there wouldn't be loud noises from the top floor.

_'__Please let it be a peaceful night,'_ she prayed. She really wanted to go to the high school reunion scheduled the day after tomorrow and show off those shoes.

* * *

Izaya irately opened the door. Who in the world was knocking at his door at 2:29 in the goddamn night? If it was his clients, they would've called. And have some tact so that it'd be in the morning. Namie wouldn't bother _glancing_ this way, even if there was a fire in the building.

He blinked in surprise at the messy, windblown hair that belonged to a slightly panting monster.

"Shizu-chan?"

Did he ran all the way here in his night clothes? And climb the stairs? Why not just use the elevator?

Wait, this was Shizu-chan they were talking about. Of course he wouldn't use the elevator.

"So… what's up? Why are you banging on my door at half past two in the morning?"

"Uh… um, we can be together now?" Shizuo weakly offered.

"What?"

"We can be together now. You won me over," the blond said again, this time sounding surer of himself.

"Look, Shizu-chan, can we not do this at this hour? If you're going to play a cruel joke, at least be a bit more creative. I have an early appointment tomorrow and I'd at least like get three hours of sleep," Izaya tiredly tried to close the door.

"I'm not lying! Or playing joke! I'm serious, this time!" the debt collector stuck his foot out to prevent the other from closing the door.

"Nice to see my efforts finally worked," the informant dryly said, trying harder to close the door. He was exhausted, goddammit! He worked his ass off for Shiki last night and he still had some clients he needed to take care of. Today, he ended up staying up until 1: 45 finishing up everything and had _just _gotten to bed. If he even got to the couch, he'd be so happy.

"Look! I'm serious! I've never played a joke like this." The 'unlike you' went unsaid.

But awkward tension and high school memories aside, what Shizu-chan said was true. He wasn't the type to usually do this sort of joke. More of the direct street-sign-to-the-window-trying-to-impale-him sort of thing.

"Oh, so what sparked all of this?" Izaya quirked an eyebrow, opening the door wider.

Shizuo face lit up and then scrunched up as it did usually did when he knew the answer to the question in class but not how to explain it. "Oh, um, there was chocolate – white chocolate and it was Cadbury – so, _so _good –"

Fuck, was that a _moan?_ Izaya scowled.

"-and then there was this really bitter coffee that you got from who knows where – that was disgusting – then you were in my lap – "

_Oh?_

"-then there was the chocolate again then and you were still in my lap – wait, no, you fell on the floor by then – wait, that's wrong – whatever, there was this Fanta and you said something about balance and – " he looked up to find Izaya's exasperated expression. "Look, can I just come in. I'll explain everything."

The informant paused, still leaning his weight against the door. The door dangerously inched inwards and he could tell that the debt collector was trying not to use his full strength. Even with a fiftieth of his strength and just by using his foot, he could probably kick the door down and sent Izaya flying.

"Fine, fine. Just come in."

"Thanks." Shizuo settled himself on the couch.

"Tea?"

"No thanks."

"Suit yourself," the dark haired shrugged. "So what's your explanation? What makes you finally agree that – you know, agree that we can be together?"

"Okay, so um… this is going to sound really weird."

"Anything is going to sound weird after you've rejected all my advances – which were put together quite thoughtfully, mind you – and you decided to run all the way here with _slippers_ and drool on your face –"

The blond slapped his hand to his mouth to see if it was true. It was not. …okay, maybe just a little on the sides.

"-to tell me that we can be together at – oh look, it's 2: 43 – in the morning. Or night. Whatever you call this."

Shizuo sighed. Can the flea not ruin his epiphany moment for him? This was for his sake, anyway.

"Okay, so it was in my dream. You were in my dream –"

"You came here because of a dream," Izaya stated flatly. "A _dream_, Shizu-chan."

"I _did _say it was going to be weird," the blond started on his defense.

"Mm. I was in your dream though. I'm flattered." He did not sound flattered at all.

"Can you not interrupt every five seconds?" the 6'1 feet tall man glared at the other.

"Yes, yes. Go ahead with your story. I have to warn you though, if you're just going to use me as your dream diary, I'd have to charge you."

"Okay, so… um it started with me – us – discussing how we couldn't be together and stuff. And I was saying something about wanting a girl that was nice and sweet and how you weren't anything like that. More like the complete opposite, really. Even the gender."

The informant bristled.

"And then you started talking about how I was sweet, the girl was sweet and you were bitter. Then you fed me chocolate – Cadbury white chocolate which was really sweet – and then bitter – _really _bitter – coffee. Then it was chocolate again – and it was sweeter because of the previous bitter taste – and you were in my lap."

The other man sipped his tea and snorted. "I feed you chocolate and I'm now in your lap?"

"Then you gave me Fanta and it became bitter. It was just _ew._ Then you said something about how sweet and sweet makes bitter and my relationship with a nice girl was going to end that way. Something about hitmen, cheating and a child – which was totally copied off the finale of that show – what was it called again?"

Izaya was miffed. "I don't _copy _off of T.V. shows. Even if it was a dream me."

"Anyways, you said that but if it was with you, it would be bittersweet and that was actually a taste and I was being narrow minded and like how the chocolate tasted sweeter after the coffee, our relationship might be bitter sometimes but it would be sweet in the end because of something of how I was sweet and I'm just _freakishly_ sweet so it would turn out sweet in the end because _I_ would overpower the bitterness and –"

"Slow down, Shizu-chan. Breathe," Izaya instructed. "Wait, you have lungs of a monster. You don't need that much air. Continue on."

"And yeah, so our relationship would work and it'd be sweet. And then you said something about how life was all about balance and bitter and sweet would balance each other out and sweet and sweet wouldn't and the scales would be tipped to one side and all would be in ruins – okay, you didn't _exactly_ say that but it was implied anyways," Shizuo nodded to himself.

"Mm hm." What was the dream him saying? Life wasn't all about balance. There was danger and fun and people and so much more!

"And after some arguing, we ended up kissing and – "

"WHAT?!"

"- I don't really know why you went on about _you_ being bitter 'cause you tasted salty and back then, my tongue was bitter from the sweet-sweet combination and it would've been a salty-bitter relationship but yeah. I'm here and we can be together," Shizuo finished in a rush.

"WHAT?! I kissed you in your dream?!"

Not really the reaction he was expecting…

"Yeah."

"Wait, wait. So let me get this straight. Dream _me_ fed _you_ Cadbury chocolate, then coffee, then chocolate then Fanta and said something about combinations and the taste result. And then something about balancing your diet and life and ended up _kissing_ you?! And you just let him?!" Izaya demanded, wide eyed. "No throwing him out the window? Or through the door? Or into the wall?!"

"No…."

Okay, he was mad. More than mad. Here he was, trying to win over the monster's affections and spent _years_ trying. He even tried to bribe him with sweets. And Izaya was talking whole giant – no _humongous_ – bouquets of sweets. And he sent them every day!

It was like the thing the couples in T.V. and stories did. They'd sent flowers every day and in the end the girl ends up with the guy! Except with them, it was sweets!

And Izaya kept that up for 2 weeks before Shizuo's brother found out and sent a note to the blond's dentist, who in turn sent a polite request to send something else instead of sweets. Maybe origami, if you want to be original. (His reply letter was 'What the fuck? Shizu-chan isn't sick or dying!' The dentist actually had the nerve to send back a letter saying that he _will_ be and dying of diabetes if the informant doesn't stop sending him those 'atrocious sweets'. Needless to say, there was an epic battle through letters regarding Shizu-chan's health.)

And then dream him was just coming out of the blue with Cadbury chocolate – and not even with the whole box, he bet! – and then Shizuo was putty in dream him's hands and they ended up making out! How was _that_ fair?!

"So… are we going out or not?" the blond quirked an eyebrow.

Izaya was speechless, which was a pretty great feat because he usually had something to say, whether it be a secret of the doorman at a nearby motel or something about the wife of the taxi driver who drove taxi number 86302.

"You came here in the middle of the night, when I'm _tired_, because of a _dream_ and you just think we're just going to go out like that?" Izaya hissed. He halfheartedly tried to slash at the other with his blade. He really was too tired for this.

"Well, you've been at it for a few years now. And I just figured it out today and came to tell you the news… so yeah," Shizuo blankly stated, easily batting away the attack. The blade ended up on the floor with a clatter.

"Oh no you don't. You are _not_ coming in here, babbling something about tastes and balance and telling me that dream me kissed _you_, when _I_ haven't even kissed you yet. No, you are not! You're even letting _him_ feed you when you won't even accept a cup of tea from me!" Izaya eyes were burning with wild fire. He was getting closer, looming over the taller man.

"And you come in the middle of the night announcing that we can _finally_ date because some stupid, idiotic, _phony_ that your subconscious came up with kissed you! A figment of imagination! We _are not_ going out. You are going to go back to whatever dingy little cave that you monsters live in and I am going to win you over good and proper like I was doing before, cavities be damned! Now get out of my apartment!"

"…are you jealous?" Shizuo stared at the seething man. The man's chest was heaving like he just ran a marathon. Or had their usual chase, which was much more intense than a marathon. "You are! You're jealous of… of yourself! That was in my dream!"

The former bartender childishly pointed at the man in obvious glee. His ear splitting grin didn't help.

"You try trying to win over a monster like you for years and then he comes to you because a stupid dream telling you 'you' won him over!" the informant snapped. "Now, go away! Shoo! I'll come bother you in the morning when I'm properly awake."

"Jeez, I thought you'd be happy to hear the news…" Shizuo frowned as he was pushed out of the door.

"And one more thing. This conversation never happened. You never had that dream so you still think we can't be together and will reject my advances tomorrow, okay?"

Shizuo grinned cheekily. "Okay, okay. I'll reject you tomorrow."

"Good. And take the stairs. You deserve to be goddamn tired when you get back home. See how you like being so tired."

* * *

The next day.

"ARGH! I thought you said we could be together! Because of your dream last night!"

"You said to reject your advances as before. Until you properly win me over," Shizuo scrunched his eyebrows, puzzled. "Don't make me confuse, flea!"

And thus another epic chase ensued, complete with stops signs thrown, the new shop near Russia Sushi being destroyed and if the bystanders saw a box of chocolates in there somewhere and Shizuo pocketing said chocolates, well… their eyes weren't playing tricks on them.

* * *

"I still can't believe you only started thinking about a relationship together because of a _dream_. Shizu-chan's such a protozoan," Izaya kissed his enemy-turned-boyfriend that he'd been chasing for years.

"You should be glad. If not, you'd still be after me when we're 80," Shizuo mumbled against the dark haired lips.

"Please, like you'd live that long. You'd die because of all the cigarettes you smoked and if not, because of diabetes because of all the sweets you ate."

"Mm. You'd be the death of me."

Izaya broke their kiss to indignantly complain. "I still can't believe that I only won you over after taking a leaf out of dream me's book and started sending you Cadbury chocolate."

Shizuo shrugged. "It's good chocolate… Not that I was bribed by chocolate…"

The smaller fumed. "Face it, Shizu-chan. You were totally bought off by chocolate, some weird obscure logic and diet-life advice from your dream."

"Whatever. Shut up flea," the blond dove in for another kiss. And shut up he did.

Scratch whatever he said before. Shizuo can definitely be bribed with sweets if it was a certain dark haired informant with russet eyes.

* * *

_So, this was from a really random idea that just came to me when I was eating cinnamon bread and yeah. Appreciate the fact that I was eating takeout that day! _

_So in here, Izaya's been chasing after Shizuo for a long itme. _

_I actually did research for this! Okay, not really research. I was trying to look up the most expensive and sweetest white chocolate. And in the end, i ended up on Wikipedia and went to the manufacturers yeah. Cadbury was the top manufacturer so yeah. Guylian was second by the way. I tried! I went onto a few different websites but the Wiki calling was just too much._

_Basically this is a story of how they got together._

_I don't actually know sweet + sweet = bitter but bitter + sweet = bittersweet and what not but I'm assuming it is... too many sweets can lead to it being bitter. I know that part. Not really sure if the Fanta's thing's true or not... I didn't want to do Coke and yeah. Well, whatever. We can all pretend it's true and the weird logic actually works. I wouldn't recommend it for trying to convince someone to go out with you though. _

_Anyways, hoped you liked it! Especially since I was supposed to be writing something else but ended up writing this. Thanks for reading!_


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